My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
