yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
