I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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