I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
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I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
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Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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