Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
