Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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