just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You took a bar mat shot.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
