She is in my trunk
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
