Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
