I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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