it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
