Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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