It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just googled if crying burns calories
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.