This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
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Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
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Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.