Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.