i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.