Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
