true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I looked at my own cervix.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.