do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'll put lettuce on them
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety