I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
