I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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