I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
