i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Randomize
