ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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