That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
