You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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