I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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