And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize