I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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