I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
