So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
