Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
