I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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