her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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