Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
