I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Acid is not a monday night drug
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
