got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
