Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
