I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
