he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
