We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
