hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
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I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
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The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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