I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize