Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
