So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize