I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
