TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have aggressive nipples.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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