Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
