drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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