I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
