This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
