whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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