i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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