Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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