Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
