so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
