and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
