It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
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I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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