i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
