THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
