first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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