I want to walk on stilts...naked
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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