so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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