im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
