i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Congratulations! We have a period
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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