I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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