Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
