the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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