would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
