I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
