i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
