your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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