yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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