dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
