over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
