well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
