Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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