I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
