i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Tell her she can't have a vagina
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
