The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
