Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
