I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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