Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
