he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
