smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
