dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Still dying that you shit outside
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
