the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
