I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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