I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
