they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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