I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
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btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
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His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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