my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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